Random night rant

Society has put on so much pressure into becoming what is considered “normal”. You have to conform to all these standards and prerequisites to be as normal of a person that you can be.

The media and social sites preach about embracing your quirkiness, your uniqueness and all the essences that makes you, you yet will eventually judge you if you wear something that does not look like it’s normal.

I don’t understand. All these talks about being normal is confusing. I would like to believe that I live in the 21st century but why do I feel like we are heading back to our primal age? To a time when everything was a taboo. Can’t wear colours to a funeral because it may seem like you are celebrating instead of mourning. Don’t go see a therapist because that will just mean that you are loco in the head. Act this way, act that way……

I don’t understand the ignorance of mental illness where I live. I also am not  able to comprehend the stupidity of people’s reactions when they are told that he/she or someone is seeing a therapist. Going to a therapist means getting professional help. Like going to the doctors because you are sick. Like going to the dentist because you need an extraction or going to a dietician because you have weight issues. And no one frown upon these patients yet one visit to the therapist, suddenly you are labelled “CRAZY”, “PSYCHO”….

I guess this bothers me so much because I have anxiety disorder and I suspected(more like self-diagnosed) to have PTSD. I also have a friend who happens to have BPD and anxiety. She has been seeing the therapist while me on the other hand, has not. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder by an outpatient doctor who suspected I got the anxiety following my mother’s passing.

It is not easy to experience all these things. I know because I have seen my friend broke down and she couldnt help it. I couldnt help but think that someone died everytime I received phonecalls from family members. Yet we both are trying to be as normal as we can be.

But, how normal can we be? What is normal when society puts a standard on what is considered so easy to be done. What is normal when you need to get at least 10 checks on the Normal Checklist.

I have never talked about my anxiety openly because people do not understand the severity and its complexity. Mine is mild but it’s not easy to deal with. Mild doesnt mean that dealing with my anxiety is like a walk in the park. The anxiety kicks in without warning. God knows how many times I have to make sure that my front door was locked before I eventually leave the house. (And my brother’s trip to my house to check if my frontdoor was already locked because I was scared that I was only imagining locking the door). God knows the sleepless nights I had when it was pouring heavily outside and knowing my brother or sister was out and on the road. The anxiety and the paranoia is real yet people still expect people like us to be normal.

“Try not to think about it”, “istighfar”, “you’re just imagining it”, “you watch too much tv”…yea maybe we do watch too much tv but even without it, anxiety dont give a shit. If it wants to make you feel vulnerable, it will give you just that.

you think heart palpitations is fun? You think being paranoid over things is like getting a new dreas? You think wearing our hearts on our sleeves is recreational? No.

We are normal in our own ways. People need to stop putting standards into being normal. Mental issues shouldnt be a taboo and shouldnt be something that are to be ashamed of. We are a generation fed with knowledges and have means of understanding what those before us have failed to understand.

So why put a standard into becoming normal? Can’t a bipolar person still be normal? Can’t a bpd person still be normal? Can’t an anxious person still be normal? If plastic surgery that makes you older than you look is considered normal, then why can’t people with mental illness and have been seeking professional help be normal? Harmful? A threat? Every illness when treated is just like any other illness. Stop with the double standards.


p/s: it’s late and im not even bothered to check my grammar and spelling.


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