Life and death.

Assalamualaikum,

Salam Ma’al Hijrah to all Muslims all over the world and those who may have come across this blog by accident. For most of us who are fortunate, we get to be with our families and stay in the comforts of our home during this time of year. But there are also so many others who are now suffering, fighting for their lives..some at war and some in sickness. I feel completely ignorant towards what is happening in Gaza. My newsfeed has been updated with photos of kids laying motionless on the ground, adults who might be someone’s brother, sister, husband, wife, father or mother crying for the loss of their innocent young ones and family members. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful but I find myself scrolling down faster than usual to avoid looking at these sad pictures. I cannot comprehend how monstrous a person can be, to be able to kill a child without mercy. Astaghfirullah.

I know the feeling of loss. I’ve lost the people I love many years ago. Their passing was hard to deal with and I couldn’t bear to think about those children and civilians who witnessed the killings of their own family with their own eyes knowing that their last memories of the person they love is a body filled with scars, wounds and bloods. Ya Allah, even the thought of it breaks my heart.

Today, my husband’s family members and I mourn the loss of a beloved family member who has passed yesterday evening. He has made his hijrah to another life. Alhamdulillah despite the pain of losing someone so dear to our hearts, we are comforted by the fact that he passed on peacefully and surrounded by his families. I have been surrounded by overwhelming news of death and it has rendered me speechless to be honest. It reminds me that everyone will soon pass on when their time has come. Am I ready for death? Are you ready for death?

Sometimes we are too caught up with dunya matters that we forget that soon our time will come and nothing else matters except for our deeds here on Earth. Sometimes the news of someone’s passing makes us realise that we forgot that life is in fact temporary yet we are chasing after dunya so much thinking that we have still another tomorrow to compensate for whatever that is lacking the day before or the years before.

SubhanAllah. Only Allah knows when our time comes and I pray that when it is our time, we will be able to pass peacefully and in a good state insyAllah. May Allah forgives us from our wrongdoings and sins and may He protects us from Shaitaan. Let us recite Al-Fatihah to all of our Muslim brothers and sisters all over the world who have passed on to a more safer and better place, insyAllah. Al-Fatihah.

Modesty and Niqab talk.

Assalamualaikum,

I was with my husband yesterday for my medical check up. While waiting came a Niqabi with her very pretty daughter. The woman sat next to me and I can tell that she is not local judging from her daughter’s facial features. She looked serene and very put together that I kept telling my husband how pretty she was and how blessed she was for having such a beautiful daughter. The thing that attracts me to a woman who covers herself in that manner is their elegance and the way they carry themselves.

I remember how the Arab ladies carried themselves when I was on vacation with my family few years back. They were wearing their black abaya, black niqab and when they walked, it looked like they’re floating instead of walking. Bizarre, I tell you. I do remember an Arab couple who looked like newlyweds who were making their way up the escalator when we were in KL tower. The man was wearing casual clothes, tees and short pants looking handsome and with confidence held his wife’s hand which was covered in beautiful henna designs and was in her plain black abaya with a niqab. I remember them up to this day because that Niqabi woman despite being all covered up except for her eyes showed how pretty she is underneath all that. She held her husband’s hand in confidence too and they looked extremely happy with each other.

I have a different perspective on niqab and call me someone who labels or stereotypes but I have this idea of a niqabi being very soft spoken and gentle. I was on YouTube the other day and was shocked at how vocal some niqabis are. Sure, pointing out their ideas is a good thing but projecting it in a bitter and negative manner is another. It’s no wonder that some who are already skeptical on Islam becomes more skeptical looking at these girls stating with confidence but in a very disrespectful manner on what is haram and what is halal. On top of all that, laughing at girls who don’t cover themselves, astaghfirullah. The veil covering your mouth is for you to be aware of the things you said and does not serve as a cover for you so you’ll be able to vocalize your suppressed thoughts when your face is shown. Modesty my sisters are not just about how you cover yourselves from the gazes of men but also from the way you carry yourselves.

Back to my hospital visit, the lady looked extremely lovely. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. There was ounces of respect when I looked at her. With her black abaya, she doesn’t even look pregnant. Her simplicity was beyond words. The beauty that Allah kept hidden, masyAllah. Having said all that, it doesn’t matter whether you are a niqabi or not. I am not a niqabi but I do respect women who chooses to cover themselves that way. It is not just about the head or face covers but it’s about how you’re embracing the religion itself and how you represents your religion. Allah always knows best for He is the only One who gives the best. Looking at the woman shown me how beautiful this religion is and how simple Allah shows the beauty He created even when it is covered. True beauty shines and Alhamdulillah, I get to see one of Allah’s beautiful creation. 🙂

23rd week update.

Assalamualaikum,

So I have recently found out or shall I say self-diagnosed myself to be suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome. 😦 I have had wrist pain for a while now. My left wrist has been feeling a little sore everytime I woke up in the morning. Initially I thought it was my swollen nerves and then I begin to notice that the only time it will hurt is in the morning when I wake up. I decided to look it up on the Internet and saw what fits the description.

Based on my readings, it has to do with of course pregnancy swelling hence putting pressure on the key nerve on the wrist PLUS it also has something to do with reverse gravity. I don’t know. Pregnancy just seems to continue to amuse me every single day. I am reaching 24th week now. I feel like carrying a bag full of potatoes! My husband made me rest the whole day today and when there is nothing else to concentrate on, I feel a whole lot pregnant than I was few days ago.

My baby’s living space is expanding now and my belly feels tighter. It’s harder to sleep comfortably now because my baby usually moves in the middle of the night putting pressure on my bladder, making me pee all the time 😦 I am dreading for the ‘waking up 4-5 times a night’ part as now I am waking up at least 3-4 times. The book that my friend made me read which is by Dr Oz told pregnant women not to drink after 6 pm. Let me tell you, it’s hard!! It’s the hardest thing in the world to do because I have to drink and stay hydrated. Pee trip is not fun at all 😦

I am experiencing other physical changes here and there as well. My nerves especially on my legs are 100% swollen. It’s like a cellulite party on both legs. My right foot has begun to swell. Unfortunately, no pregnancy glow for me because my face is dry as the Sahara desert and I look dull as hell 😦 A lot has been telling me that I might be carrying a girl. According to my aunt, she said I might be carrying a girl because I do not look attractive at all (thank you for the ‘compliment’) and my sister in law said that I am carrying low so it might be a girl. I don’t know. I won’t go for another ultrasound until my 34th week so we’re all gonna have to wait! 🙂

So that’s pretty much about what I think is blogworthy! I shall update soon insyAllah and to all pregnant mummies out there, be strong! You’re not alone. I know how it feels to push ourself out of bed not because we’re lazy but because we’re heavy! But like my husband said,I am gonna miss it once my baby’s born. So enjoy and savor the moment while it lasts!

A little bit of respect.

Respect goes a long way. It doesn’t stop in the exchange of words but it should be practiced in every single thing and activity that we do daily. I have taken a step back from everything that is surrounding my life right now and decided to be the spectator instead to everyone’s actions and decisions. I am honestly not doing this for my own little weird pregnancy entertainment but it overwhelms me how people are living their lives in a way that I am not familiar with.

I try to be nice anyway. I guess that is the most important. To accept the difference and understand that I am different from everyone else. We are all different one way or another. Respect has lost its meaning, I guess, to fame, to wealth and money, to a very high self-concept, to superiority. It’s a sad view if you’re sitting with me, looking out to all the people walking aimlessly and without directions. It’s heartbreaking to watch the people you care and love most being destructed emotionally and the worst part of it all, they are not realising how other people’s judgement and treatment are destroying their pride and dignity.

Being pregnant isn’t the worst feeling in the world. Managing your emotions, channeling them and develop spiritually are the best feelings that one can feel. I choose to be silent on things that I do not agree with. I am trying the hardest I could to embrace positivity so my child knows how it is like to be positive. I choose to converse with Allah in my silence and the best part of it all is knowing that you are heard and that Allah in turn gives you the strength that you need to carry on and leave everything to Him for He is All Knowing.

This must be one of the many posts that might come off a little bit pointless. But only Allah knows. Remember, respect doesn’t stop in the exchange of words. What might be easy for you and not hurtful may be hurtful to others. May Allah blesses us all. Amin.

My take on:Innocence of Islam.

I am a Muslim and I have watched what should probably be the trailer of that very offensive movie. I don’t know if I should even call it a trailer since it’s 13 minutes long. YouTube probably isn’t the only website that has not removed the video because I am assuming that since the video is downloadable over Torrent, people are already downloading it every second hence removing the video will be a total waste.

I do find the video offensive. It is insulting. As a Muslim, I am saddened by the fact that someone can be so ignorant and so rude to even produce movies depicting Prophet Muhammad’s profile in a very unflattering light. Anti-muslims who are not educated about the religion are now chicken dancing to this video and Muslim extremists are hollering in front of US embassies all over the world.

Here’s the thing. Yes, I agree on the video being extremely offensive. But why are Muslims tarnishing the Prophet’s name more by reacting violently towards this video? Protesting, killing….So unethical and the Prophet had never once preached about doing bad unto others. Prophet Muhammad was mocked during his time yet he didn’t killed the people who mocked him but stayed patient. In fact, the Prophet preached about doing good even to those who have done wrong to you. Because LOVE always conquers all.

I read Facebook status and pages here and there updating about how the video was offensive this and that. YES, IT IS but could you people stop being so naive and ignorant? Prophet Muhammad has always been a joke material especially to westerners who have zero knowledge about Islam. There are Legos produced supposedly depicting Prophet’s many wives, astaghfirullah! There are books spreading lies about Prophet Muhammad’s teachings. There are so many things linked to the Prophet that this video isn’t the only thing that has been done to mock our beloved Prophet.

Isn’t it enough that we know who our beloved Prophet is? A loving father, husband and of course a loving character who spreads love and always preach about being at peace with ourselves and the people around us. Didn’t he say that patience will bear fruit? Didn’t he say that do good to everyone? But why are people trying to defend the Prophet by breaking all his teachings? So sad.

That aside, we have Muslims who do not cover themselves, Muslims who drink alcohol, Muslims who perform all sorts of sins yet trying to defend the Prophet half to death. Don’t you feel like you’re being a hypocrite? Why not instead of LIKING pages and SHARING photos, practice his teaching and learn? I am not saying that I am perfect but it is so sad that most Muslims all over the world are resorting to violence in the name of Prophet Muhammad’s pride. Don’t you remember how Prophet Muhammad cried on his deathbed before his passing calling out his Ummah? Even on his deathbed, he remembered his Ummah but do we remember him all the time?

Yet, one stupid video..the whole world goes mad. The wars! The killings! The sins! What are we doing? Aren’t we going against the Prophet? Aren’t we the ones who are feeding the anti-muslims wrong ideas about our religion? Come on, it’s time to wake up!

You are sharing a photo of ”stop insulting Prophet Muhammad” yet on your profile picture is a picture of you hugging your girlfriend. Hmmm.. No comment. Yes, I admire the fire! I admire the courage to stand up for the religion but the religion has enough Muslims acting crazy in the name of religion. The religion has enough Muslims trying to correct every single person in the world yet has done nothing but sin and sin and portraying contradicting actions.

Sigh. Innocence of Islam is a stupid video. Enough said. What IS wrong is Muslims who are blindly killing innocents, going against the teachings, acting on anger, humiliating the religion and Prophet Muhammad’s teaching.

Ya Allah, open our hearts so we are able to receive Hidayah from you so that we can continuously purify our souls and hearts. Ease us through this journey and help us be the best of Prophet Muhammad’s followers. Only You are all Knowing and Merciful. Amin.

 

 

Heartbeats and butterflies

My husband and I went for our first official doctor’s visit yesterday. We were both so excited and assumed that we are going to have our first official ultrasound. Why did I keep on saying official? Haha. Our first ultrasound was very unplanned and it was an emergency. Alhamdulillah upon arriving, we were the second couple for checkup and considering that it was my first visit, I was super duper excited. It was however pretty unbelievable for me because I have never quite imagined myself to be there. I do imagined myself to be pregnant but I have never imagined myself to be in that kind of process i.e, doctor’s visits, tests, vaccinations and all.

Alhamdulillah, our baby’s heartbeat can be heard yesterday using the Doppler device. Baby’s heart raced as my husband a.k.a now as my baby’s daddy (hehehe) entered the room. I will be 4 months in two weeks time. Baby has made his/her presence very clear from week 11. I can already feel his/her movements especially when I talk about him/her. We didn’t get to go for ultrasound yesterday and my baby’s first ultrasound will be during baby’s daddy birthday! If you could only see how my husband’s face lit up when the doctor mentioned his birth date for baby’s first ultrasound. He already got his first advance birthday gift. Hehehe.

This is totally a great experience for both my husband and I. We didn’t expect to be pregnant this soon but we do feel extremely blessed. Seems like it was yesterday that my husband and I went for our first date and 10 years after, we are going to have our first baby. I feel so blessed and ever so grateful. I will insyAllah keep everyone posted from time to time with our baby’s progress, pictures if any will only be uploaded and shared on Instagram! 😀

Have a blessed day ahead everyone! Hugs and Kisses! ❤

Updates!

Assalamualaikum everyone,
Yes, you’re not imagining things. I is back! 😀 I haven’t been posting anything in a while and my English is becoming rusty by the second. Horror! (I seriously don’t get the hate that comes from people who despise others who prefer English as a medium of communication) I decided to start blogging again to keep practicing with my English and of course to just share with you lots what’s been happenin’! Haha!

I haven’t been in touch with a lot of my friends (bad bad bad) and I have gotten a few text messages by creepy boys who have been asking my whereabouts and why they haven’t heard anything from me since I got married. Erm, I am married? I have a life now? Do you mind? 🙂

So my life right now revolves around basically around my husband. Alhamdulillah, things have been great so far. Allah has been blessing us with so many rizqs. I can’t complain although secretly I did because I can be ungrateful sometimes 😦 Hehe. Before I continue on yapping, what I am about to show is quite gross but whatever right? Look away if you’re not hardcore!

I am expecting! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEEEEE! I am 8 weeks along if I got it right. My first appointment is in September so until then, with the free pregnancy apps I have been religiously downloading, I am 8 weeks along and the bun will be expected to make an appearance by March. 😀 😀 THERE’S THE NEWS FOR YOU LOTS WHO HAVE BEEN ASKING AND WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!

I know it’s still early and a taboo to be announcing to the whole wide world but I do need prayers for my little one and I. It has been quite a challenge to conceive. My diet hasn’t been the healthiest and my weight hasn’t been the fittest so finding out that I am expecting was pretty overwhelming. I was shaking when the two lines showed up and no, my husband and I didn’t do the husband-pick-me-up-and-twirl-around-while-hugging thing. We were both shocked. We literally just hugged, I cried a bit and he just sat there looking very dazzled and confused. The two tests were taken separately in two different times. There was a third test, the digital one which I didn’t manage to take a picture of it because the result cleared by mid-day.

I am nauseous most of the time now and have been losing appetite. The little one in me is quite picky with food so I threw up to a lot of food these days. I am also experiencing acid reflux which worsens my morning sickness. I have smell aversions to a lot of things, strong perfumes, egg sandwiches, soaps, breaths (yuck!) people, my husband in particular 😦 , bedrooms and my own mint toothpaste. I am salivating a whole lot more now and I sometimes have metal taste in my mouth. I seem to have a diva growing inside of me. Hahahaha.

With all that going on, it’s quite hard for me to fast now. I only managed to fast for 3 hours on the first day of Ramadhan. 😦 It has all been very very very interesting and challenging. I better stop here now before I end up making a novel out of my post. To all of you who are reading, Selamat menyambut kedatangan Ramadhan and may we are all blessed this month of the year and may all your du’as and wishes come true. AllahuAkbar! To mothers out there and my mother, words can’t express the gratitude I am feeling right now to be able to feel the process of carrying a child in me and to experience first hand all the challenges that comes with the hormone changes. Just the thought of all the struggles, the late night pee marathon, the vomitting and what not have made me so ever thankful and grateful and appreciates my mother a whole lot more. I feel you Mama!